Shadows - A Collection of Dark Tales
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- Profile created: March 2007
- www.bebo.com/Shadows-Stories
- Category:
- Horror
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- Rewrite it in the same perspective?
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Note on 'City Night'
Some of you might know where i got the jist of this from if you have seen Sin City. I just really liked the scene so i thought i'd have a go at it one morning (this morning, actually) and this is the result. I know it's not really horror, but still...
0 Comments 920 days
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Rachel G108 weeks agoHi again that was amazing and if you want to look at my group and their talent of writing the the URL is
http://www.bebo.com/222444ABC -
Asi132 weeks agoNice
come check out my story at
http://theabandonedmansion.bebo.com
thanks -
Dean Newell136 weeks agoCheers!
Yeh, I'm thinking about rewriting it in a different tense to see if it reads a bit easier. Can't hurt to experiment.
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Dean Newell136 weeks ago
lol thanks very much
Needs pacing Your stories are good, not great, but good. Well written, grammar is good (you need to fix your capital I in some sentences). But the last two lack real pacing.
by Vitriol 40 weeks ago'Dipsomania' confused me slightly, although the way you wrote of the man's madness was good and erratic, but it needed pacing towards the end, meaning you need to do a bit of explaining and lengthening of the idea.
'City Night' was too short. Far more detail needed to be given and the surroundings and some indication of 'why' was needed, too.
I didn't particularly understand 'Occupation', it needs a bit more detail.
All in all, these were okay. You grammar is far better than any of the idiots I have read so far. You are very promising. In the mean time, check out my short stories, under the title 'Azathoth'. Just for inspiration and whatnot.
http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?Memb...
poo it is poo i dont get it
by Jesus Ur Nose Is Big 61 weeks agoWow. After the first story, I almost stopped reading. THank goodness I didn't. The last two were amazing. Dipsomnia was cool as! And the one about the girl dying...aw too bad. And kind of cruel, but bloody brillaint.
by ~Sparkles on my door, dust in my rug~ 70 weeks agoGreat writes!
CreepY!!! omg these are brilliant!!!!!
by Niamh Lol 95 weeks agoi may not look like it, but i really enjoyed those!!!!!
i think you might like this story-http://bebo.com/if-its-in-the-blood-
keep writing!!!!!
i hope you write more soon!!!
kool its really cool i like it
by Amber F 107 weeks agodunno y but i do lol
Wow I have to say wow that was amazing! Your very very tallented! Thats better than what i could ever come up with. If you ever published these stories i would buy it without a second thought about it! Well done
by Rachel G 108 weeks agogoood this pice was very good
by Dustin B 117 weeks agoNice:P thats a good story lol. thats all i can say lmao funny but sad and creepy kind of a trick story type but it was just good thats all i can say lol.
by J.J 121 weeks agoread 1 that story was absolutly boring even i can make a better story than that
by Kevin 122 weeks ago